Playing Favorites

As a freshly naive sub counselor at Mt. Aetna Summer Camp, one thing in particular was drilled into my head during staff training week: You Must Not Play Favorites! All child guidance manuals will confer on this point, if they agree on nothing else: You Must Not Play Favorites! But as valiantly as I try to avoid playing favorites at Vejlefjordskolen, I have found it virtually impossible to avoid having favorites amongst my wayward flock of dorm students. Lise* is one of those favorites. Her honest smile, her studious diligence, and her willingness to laugh at my jokes are all things which won me over at once. After all, despite an affinity for heavy metal and black fingernail polish, a person who uses chopsticks and likes to knit can't be all that bad, can she? It was therefore with great joy that I found she had signed up to participate in one of our two weekly "discussion groups." A couple of the other student missionaries and myself have begun these groups to facilitate Bible study with the girls in a relaxed environment, where they can ask questions and not just be spoon-fed. The fact that nearly half of the girls in our groups are not Christian (and don't even believe in God) makes things rather challenging. But until recently, Lise has one of our treasured attendants. She has responded with interest to nearly all of our Bible-based studies. Until recently, I say. It was last night, in fact, that the trouble was first drawn to my attention. I was in the midst of leading the girls through a series of verses about the character of God, when I noticed that Lise was sitting closed-mouthed, not even pretending to take interest in what was being said. I asked her if she wanted to tell us what the matter was. In a somewhat grumbly tone, she muttered something about how she was struggling with the belief that there was even a God! I was shocked. How could this be? Coming from Lise? Later in the evening, I decided to make a special visit to Lise's room. I found her alone, listening to some of her jarring music and reading a comic book on her bed. She raised her eyes somewhat carelessly to meet mine, but couldn't resist her hospitable nature to move and make room for me on the bed. I went straight to the issue: What was up? With a choking voice she let the tension seep out. She had thought logically about God, and she just couldn't see how it was possible for there to be a god who had created everything in seven days; when she prayed, she never felt anything; her life had no meaning; she wasn't good at anything; what on earth would she do after tenth grade, and why does God try to force you to do things? Merciful heavens! Which issue to address first? With a prayer shot heavenward, I embarked onto the path of meeting her doubts. I didn't say anything profound and I probably left out a lot that I could've said. I tried not to argue; but I did my best to present logical, counter-statements. I read her face for signs of acceptance. No luck. Everything had sounded reassuring and plausible to me, but when you're dealing with an adolescent who is "finding herself," reasoning will only go so far. Her lip began to quiver, and she said in a shaking voice, "I miss my big brothers..." All at once, I was struck with a revelation: Lise wasn't all that interested in the logic of arguments. She was just plain lonely! I jumped into a volley of questions about her siblings and her dog and the drawings on her wall. What would she be doing for Christmas? Had she ever thought about going to art school? How big was the farm where she lived? The transformation was almost immediate. Her face shone with the thrill of human attention, and by the time I had left, she was joking around and feeling dandy. I learned something new about dealing with kids last night: your mind is an indispensable tool, but your heart is more valuable still. A kind word or gesture can mean everything in the world to a person. Although it's never fair to play favorites, don't let your caution get out of hand. (Here comes the closing sales pitch) Take the time to be friendly to one of your favorites today!
*Name has been changed.